Seriously?
Normally, I like to think of myself as a kind considerate person who just grins and bears it or turns the other cheek… that doesn't mean that I don't get perturbed… I know some of it's petty, but so what.
Women who wear full hair and makeup to the beach – Ok I can understand covering a blemish or dabbing a bit of waterproof mascara on your uber blonde lashes, but eyeliner? Lipliner? Hairspray? Get a clue girlfriend before the sun bakes that gunk into your pores. SPF and chapstick are the way to go. And your hair is fine put it a knot. Detangler is acceptable for curly haired girls.
Kids who constantly scream – I was gardening the other day when I was sure I heard a child being murdered. I rush to my fence… Turns out the little tot was merely being chased by his sister. The screaming was enough to wake the dead. Where was mom or dad? Did they not hear this? I seriously thought someone was hurt or dying. I don't mind the laughing, playing, banging on trash bins, squealing… they're kids. I get it. But teach your kid the bloody murder yell is not appropriate. Turn off the blocking device Mommy!
High heels at Disney World – I've seen women (and men) wear some ridiculous things to theme parks but this has to be the stupidest. Did you not realize you would be on your feet for 12 hours? Are you so bought into your own image that you must be 5'4" not 5'1"? By 4 PM you're hobbling and blistered, and I'm not supposed to be amused? Mom, why did you let your 13-year-old leave the timeshare in platform espadrilles?
Fat ass dropped off at the store front – I hate it when some idiot blocks traffic so his fat ass wife (or whomever) can be dropped off at the front of the building. I understand if you're old, infirm or otherwise disabled, take all day, God Bless you. But if some of these perfectly healthy (besides being fat) people would park at the rear of the store and walk the 50 feet to get inside, they wouldn't be so fat. And eat what you like, it's fat AND LAZY that bothers me.
Crackheads in the middle of the street – Find a crosswalk. If I hit your stoned ass because you stepped into oncoming traffic, it's sooo not my fault.
Car jealousy – I saw a Mercedes 500 at the mall the other day with a big key scratch down the side. Maybe it was a vengeful ex, but I get the feeling it was some punk with a sense of entitlement who can't understand why he doesn't get one of those with his unemployment check. The world owes you nothing. Go to work. I bet 500 person does.
Granny in a mini-skirt – OK, so you're 55 and have a good body. Great, but that doesn't mean you should be wearing a half shirt, a mini-skirt, or anything with sparkles. Sparkles are for 15-year-olds. Miniskirts are for the twenty-something set. We don't want to see your badonk-a-donk grams.
Leatherface- Not just a scary movie character but also the scary saleslady at Jacobson's! All of these women who have baked themselves for years in the blistering Florida sun think they're gorgeous. You look like a Hermes bag. Stop now!
Cart insensitive – To all of the people who don't return their cart to the designated cart area… ever wonder why your car has mysterious dings? Even worse… the people who leave the shopping carts at the bus stop. Who do you think is going to return that for you? No one! They're going to pile up and look like crap. Thanks for junking up my neighborhood and bussing yourself back to the ghetto. Not! On the cart subject, don't leave your cart in the middle of the aisle so everyone has to move around you!
Better than me – To all of the jerks who take up 2 parking spaces in a crowded lot, travel down the shoulder during a traffic jam, cut in line, and travel in the left hand turn lane: I'm so sorry, I didn't realize you were so much more important and better than me.
Cell phone junkies – I hate having a night out with someone who can't go two minutes without texting or calling or monkeying with their phone/crackberry. Then there's the jerk who's loud ass phone goes off in the middle of a benefit luncheon… and he takes the call!!!! Or the tween at the movie theater who texts through the whole show. Beep, ding. Beep, ding. I bet you didn't pay the 12 bucks for your ticket you ungrateful little snot. Thanks for ruining Iron Man. Don't get me started on the Nextel chirp.
Taco Bell at the Mexican restaurant – I used to work at a Mexican restaurant and people would bring in taco bell for their kids. HELLO! We serve tacos. They're 76 cents more than taco bell, but they come on a plate… with service. It is against OSHA regulations to have outside food in a restaurant. If you can't afford to treat the whole family to good Mexican AND leave a good tip if service deserves, you do not deserve to eat out. And don't give me an evil look when I point out your cheap ass insensitivity in front of other diners, you brought it on yourself.
Free addicts – To the couple that hog the deli worker for free samples while I'm legitimately waiting for a ½ pound of turkey, to the lady who nearly pushed me down to get a free t-shirt at the trade show, to the guy that took 12 pens when he found out they were complimentary, to the lady in the $50,000 car who wanted to know where to get a free backpack for her child this school year… please get a life, after all it's free.
The neighborhood pets – Drunken Cat lady in the duplex, your little precious ones are pooping in my yard, making suicide runs into my fenced in back yard where my dog plays, and replicating at light speed in our neighborhood. Listen to Bob Barker and get them spayed and neutered! And keep them inside! And quit yelling drunken obscenities at people. Cat guy, you're like 102, we'll let you slide because they make you happy and you can barely walk, let alone make a vet visit. Cat person number three… you're nice but get 'em fixed!
Airplane travelers - You've been standing in the security line for 10 minutes, did you not happen to read the sign that says you have to take off your shoes, remove your laptop from its case, etc.? You are the person that causes security to be backed up for a mile. No lady you can't have your bottled water! Then in order to avoid the $15 bag claim fee you've brought your entire luggage through. Then you get mad when it won't fit in the overhead bin and *surprise* they make you check it. A 60 pound Samsonite is not a carry-on. I wish more attendants enforced this rule so our plane doesn't leave late because you've spent 10 minutes trying to cram it overhead. Last time I flew, in my row of 3 seats was a 400 pound woman, a girl with a babe in arms and me, crammed up against the window. 4 people 3 seats, really? Not to mention the large gal was soaked in perfume. Kudos to the mom whose child was quiet and well behaved. P.S. Airlines, surely you've noticed America is getting bigger, can't you make bigger seats? Even skinny folk would like some more space between themselves and the stinky stranger next to them.
To my garbage men, you have one job, "put garbage in truck", why does so much end up on the street?
To those whose invoice is 60 day past due, this is disrespect; don't be surprised when I don't take your "emergency" call.
Junky yard people, every bad Wal-Mart lawn ornament, faux waterfall and pink flamingo ever, ended up in your yard. How????? Does this help compliment the broke down jet-ski, moldy hot tub on its side and broken umbrella in your yard?
Ok, that's it for now...
